Being Quiet to Listen
“The quality of my relationships with my neighbors is directly correlated to how well I listen to them.”
Practice
Tune in with intention. Shifting your mental focus to truly hear someone takes practice, like adjusting a dial.
Pay attention to everyday sounds. These details tell a story if we’re quiet enough to hear them.
Listen as a way of loving. When we really listen, we help others feel known.
My refrigerator has a feature for families like ours. It beeps when the door is left open over a set amount of time. This is particularly helpful in households with multiple people, especially during lunchtime when leftovers are being brought out and put back in batches. We don’t realize the fridge door is open, so it beeps to alert us. The problem is I often don’t hear the high-pitched chirp. I’m not sure if it’s the tone or the noise of the kitchen, regardless of the cause, I tune it out and keep making sandwiches.
Until someone yells, “Mom! The fridge door!” I then stop, listen for the beep, and…I hear it.
Is this not how many of our listening problems play out? We don’t hear something until we pause, intentionally turn a dial in our brain to concentrate, and suddenly we hear what we are listening for with clarity.
In a very noisy world, where everyone seems to be competing for attention with sound bites and microphones, being quiet and focusing on listening with an intent to hear is unusual. It’s also desperately needed. The quality of my relationships with my neighbors is directly correlated to how well I listen to them. I cannot truly know them, really understand their hearts and life experiences, if I don’t take the time to stop, turn that dial in my brain, and focus in to listen for the details that make them who they are. And listening requires quiet. Because we can’t listen if we’re talking, we certainly can’t listen if we’re arguing, and we can’t listen if we’re thinking through our forthcoming response.
But why should we care at all about hearing what others have to say? Because hearing each other helps us know each other, and God made us to know and be known. Our most fundamental purposes on earth, to love God with our whole selves and to love our neighbors as ourselves, are rooted in knowing, and knowing is founded through listening.
What small thing can I listen for today as I walk through my neighborhood? An expression used, a music choice, a table saw or lawn mower in action, laughter, tone of voice, and even language used. Each detail I listen for will allow me to hear a sound that helps me better know my neighbors. And to better know my neighbors means, to better understand them and love them.
Alex Kuykendall is the author of several books including Loving My Actual Neighbor: 7 Practices to Treasure the People Right in Front of You. She is the Co-Founder of The Open Door Sisterhood, a community of women working for good right where they are.
