RHYTHMS | PRAYER, PRACTICE, PLACE
This issue features a Prayer for Hearing, a Practice of Being Quiet to Listen, and the Counseling Office as a sacred Place.
In a cultural moment often marked by division and addiction, our hope is these rhythms offer a reminder of the value of being more present, and becoming more whole, for the sake of our neighbors.
Vol 3. Issue 13
PRAYER | HEARING
By Jared Mackey
Spirit of God,
Tune our hearts to hear You.
Help us hear with intention and attention,
Listening longer to those who labor beside us.
Help us hear the weight in the weary words
Of the waiter, grocer, or warehouse worker.
Help us hear the hidden and holy hope
In a child’s question, frustration, and imagination.
Help us hear You in the stories of Scripture,
And both the laughter and lament at the dinner table.
Help us hear with renewed curiosity,
The voices of friends and family we’ve dialogued with for decades.
Help us hear both the needs and knowledge of our neighbors,
Noting where we may serve them and learn from them.
Help us hear You in the stillness of an early summer morning,
And in the enrapturing sounds of a summer afternoon storm.
Help us hear what can often go unnoticed,
The soft response, the silent suffering, the simple joy.
Help us hear when the moment is to remain silent,
And when the moment is to speak with courage.
Help us hear beyond words and beneath the surface of our lives,
Where Your deep love calls to our deep longing.
Help us hear You,
And know Your voice.
Spirit of God,
Help us hear.
Amen.
PRACTICE | BEING QUIET TO LISTEN
By Alex Kuykendall
“The quality of my relationships with my neighbors is directly correlated to how well I listen to them.”
Practice
Tune in with intention. Shifting your mental focus to truly hear someone takes practice, like adjusting a dial.
Pay attention to everyday sounds. These details tell a story if we’re quiet enough to hear them.
Listen as a way of loving. When we really listen, we help others feel known.
My refrigerator has a feature for families like ours. It beeps when the door is left open over a set amount of time. This is particularly helpful in households with multiple people, especially during lunchtime when leftovers are being brought out and put back in batches. We don’t realize the fridge door is open, so it beeps to alert us. The problem is I often don’t hear the high-pitched chirp. I’m not sure if it’s the tone or the noise of the kitchen, regardless of the cause, I tune it out and keep making sandwiches.
Until someone yells, “Mom! The fridge door!” I then stop, listen for the beep, and…I hear it.
Is this not how many of our listening problems play out? We don’t hear something until we pause, intentionally turn a dial in our brain to concentrate, and suddenly we hear what we are listening for with clarity.
In a very noisy world, where everyone seems to be competing for attention with sound bites and microphones, being quiet and focusing on listening with an intent to hear is unusual. It’s also desperately needed. The quality of my relationships with my neighbors is directly correlated to how well I listen to them. I cannot truly know them, really understand their hearts and life experiences, if I don’t take the time to stop, turn that dial in my brain, and focus in to listen for the details that make them who they are. And listening requires quiet. Because we can’t listen if we’re talking, we certainly can’t listen if we’re arguing, and we can’t listen if we’re thinking through our forthcoming response.
But why should we care at all about hearing what others have to say? Because hearing each other helps us know each other, and God made us to know and be known. Our most fundamental purposes on earth, to love God with our whole selves and to love our neighbors as ourselves, are rooted in knowing, and knowing is founded through listening.
What small thing can I listen for today as I walk through my neighborhood? An expression used, a music choice, a table saw or lawn mower in action, laughter, tone of voice, and even language used. Each detail I listen for will allow me to hear a sound that helps me better know my neighbors. And to better know my neighbors means, to better understand them and love them.
Alex Kuykendall is the author of several books including Loving My Actual Neighbor: 7 Practices to Treasure the People Right in Front of You. She is the Co-Founder of The Open Door Sisterhood, a community of women working for good right where they are.
PLACE | COUNSELING OFFICE
By Jared Mackey
“A counseling office is a place where you go to heal and grow to become the more full version of yourself.”
The counseling office is a sacred place. It is sacred because it provides a place to uncover past pain, practice health, and reenter relationships and the world around us with increased stability and clarity. “It’s a confessional,” says Kelley Gray in our conversation about her counseling office as a sacred place. With conviction and compassion, she continues, “People say things they’ve never said out loud—things they’ve maybe been haunted by for years. I hold it with them and the unburdening I see people experience in here is sacred.”
For Kelley, counseling is a vocation rooted in deep presence, courageous honesty, and love of neighbor. It is easy to hear the passion in her voice as she reflects on the work of holding space for others. As a 15-year-old girl from rural North Alabama, she asked her mother to buy her psychology textbooks. “I had my first psych class at Northeast Alabama State Community College with Dr. Burke. I loved him!” Now, after decades of practice, she still burns with the same passion. “I love it so freaking much!” she erupts. “It burns like the core of the earth!”
Kelley describes with vivid imagery the counseling office as a place of practice. “You’re practicing here. If you want to get better at conflict, then practice with me. Tell me your most negative thoughts that come up. I’m like, ‘OK good, try again!’ You’re practicing here so that you can go into the field because out there it’s not a sweet Coach you’re talking to.” She sees the counseling office as a safe place to equip people with the emotional and relational skills required to navigate life. “I love the physical therapy analogy because people come in and say something is not functioning the way it should. They know they have some limited capacity.” With sincere enthusiasm she explains, “I like to figure out what’s going wrong and practice skills to get better. I just call those reps.” And for Kelley, there is a real joy when people stop seeing her regularly. “I love to graduate people!” The counseling office is the place where we excavate our past and work through our pain so we can more fully reengage our life.
When asked how a counseling office encourages the love of our neighbors Kelley responds with excitement, “My brilliant husband said, ‘A counseling office is a place where you go individually to heal and grow to become the more full version of yourself. Then you share the fruit of that work with everyone in your neighborhood and the organizations around you.’” She offers an important insight into the correlation between human connection and relational health. “Modern neuroscience absolutely states we cannot just focus on ourselves and be a functional entity. You are not healthy unless you are connected to others. You don’t need to be extroverted; it can be a very small circle of investment. But it is outside of yourself. A closed system in physics produces chaos. It doesn’t work anywhere.” Kelley’s confidence in the critical importance of the counseling office is contagious. She is a counselor you want to do the work with to become more whole.
A counseling office is a place of confession and a place to practice. It is a place where we become more whole, to be more connected to ourselves and each other. A counseling office is a sacred place.
Thank you to Kelley Gray for her conversation and contribution to this article. You can learn more about her counseling practice at kelleygray.com.
More rhythms to root your faith in place.
Sacred Place provides a beautiful bi-weekly publication to share the rhythms of a Prayer, Practice, and Place as simple ways to help cultivate love for our neighbors and neighborhoods.
