Circles of Responsibility
“Grant me therefore the patience to listen to others, the humility to learn from them, the compassion to consider their needs as my own, and the grace to wear well in this place the name of my Lord.”
Practice
Step 1: Identify a challenging situation where navigating relationships or decisions feels overwhelming.
Step 2: Draw three concentric circles on a piece of paper, labeling the inner one “Control,” the middle one “Influence,” and the outer circle “Concern.”
Step 3: Write down the details about this situation that belong in each of the three circles.
Step 4: Reflect on the appropriate and loving actions you can take given what is in your circles of control, influence, and concern.
Have you ever felt pressure from people or situations at work or in your neighborhood that you can’t fully control? The practice of Circles of Responsibility is adapted from Stephen Covey’s “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” and is designed to guide you in many aspects of discernment, including decision-making clarity, reducing anxiety, navigating conflict, and helping people shift from rumination to responsibility.
A public school district office manager on the Front Range experienced this firsthand while leading her team through a turbulent staffing and funding restructure. She first used this practice to help sort her own responses to God and discern how to love her coworkers in a crisis leadership moment. She then brought the tool to her team meeting, guiding them to differentiate between what they could control, influence, or simply needed to hold with concern. The result? Lowered collective anxiety and clarity about the good next steps they needed to take together.
This simple practice recognizes that we are responsible to God and others in different ways within our work communities or neighborhood. By gaining clarity about our actual spheres of responsibility, we can tangibly love others in the workplace or our neighborhood through well-discerned responses.
Step 1: Identify a challenging situation where navigating relationships or decisions feels overwhelming.
Step 2: Draw three concentric circles on a piece of paper, labeling the inner one “Control,” the middle one “Influence,”and the outer circle “Concern.”
Step 3: Write down the details about this situation that belong in each of the three circles:
Control: Think of “control” positively here, not in an overbearing way. Where do you have real responsibility to personally act? What is within your God-given power to change or effect? This circle is primarily about personal stewardship of your choices, actions, words, attitudes, and habits.
Influence: Most of life involves others. We can potentially shape a situation, but the outcome isn’t entirely in our control. We have limited but important agency to steward with God here. Consider ways you can direct a situation, person, or project through team dynamics, healthy conflict conversations, influencing others’ behaviors, or guiding decisions with clarity.
Concern: We are finite, dependent, and often unimportant in many situations. This circle contains everything you care about or that affects you, which you cannot control or influence. Where do you need to bring your concerns to God? What do you need to lament that you cannot change? What do you deeply feel but can hardly shape? In this circle, strive for acceptance, trusting God and others, letting things go, and reframing situations rightly. By seeing honestly and not over-functioning, we are loving both to ourselves and to others.
Step 4: Reflect on the appropriate and loving actions you can take given what is in your circles of control, influence, and concern.
Ten minutes of practical reflection like this can help you to more tangibly love God, coworkers, clients, or neighbors. In recognizing what is—and what is not—ours to carry, we are more able to love others well.
Brian Gray is the VP of Formation at the Denver Institute for Faith & Work, where he hopes to influence people to integrate their faith into workplace excellence and acts of love.
