BBQ Thursday
“Nothing makes you more tolerant of a neighbor’s noisy party than being there.”
Practice
Choose a day. Weekly rhythms remove pressure and build trust.
Keep it simple. Invite people to show up, bring food to grill, and a side to share. Offer to provide drinks.
Own a grill. Invest in a big grill and keep multiple propane tanks full.
Invite with an open heart. Start with a few, let it grow slowly, and honor the connections you’re cultivating.
On Thursday nights every summer, something remarkable happens in Dan and Stephanie Lagerborg’s backyard—people show up. They bring something to grill, a side dish to share, and an openness to relax and connect. There’s no formal invitation, no sign-up. Just a grill, beverages, a beautiful backyard, and a rhythm of weekly welcome.
For 19 years, BBQ Thursday has been a neighborhood ritual for the Lagerborg family. It started as a simple way for Dan and Stephanie to build relationships with people beyond seasonal friendships. Over the years, it has become a regular practice of summer hospitality. From Memorial Day to Labor Day, people arrive on Thursdays after work and stay until after dark. The summer rhythm of connection has endured through the births of children, graduations, job transitions, house moves, multiple presidencies, and a pandemic. Dan says clearly about it’s longevity, “The only constant in BBQ Thursday is place.”
BBQ Thursday is an invitation to reimagine how consistent hospitality creates valuable connection. In a cultural moment where it is often considered more convenient to meet at a restaurant or connect virtually through a screen, the practice of BBQ Thursday communicates something different—it invites the outsider into an open home. Dan shares in his joyful and playful voice, “One week we had 150 people. One week we had 3. We’ve never had zero.” BBQ Thursday is always a place for someone, and that’s enough. Dan and Stephanie have hosted BBQ Thursday in 3 different homes with the same foundational rules: “You bring your own protein and a side to share. We’ll provide the beverages, the grill, and the games.” BBQ Thursday is an incredibly beautiful invitation to summer connection.
There are a few long-standing regulars—affectionately called “The Loyals”—who have been coming to BBQ Thursday for nearly 20 years. Without this weekly summer gathering, their lives may have crossed paths but would not have remained connected. Over the many summers of grilled food and backyard games, friendships have formed, the differences in perspectives have been softened by decades of dialogue, and a shared love for connection has taken root. What began as a summer event where adults brought their children has become a child-centric rhythm. The invitations now come from Dan and Stephanie’s teenage daughters; they invite their friends, and their friends invite their parents to come along. It is a beautiful backyard expression of an intentional intergenerational gathering.
Dan shared a few things they have learned over the years. Don’t invite everyone, but welcome anyone who shows up with their own protein, presence, and peace. “There’s a persona to BBQ Thursday. It’s a place to relax and be yourself.” Don’t over-plan. Let the rhythm of place do its work. And most importantly, Dan shares, “Show up to listen, not just to talk. BBQ Thursday only works if you come to commune with other people.”
BBQ Thursday is a simple summer practice of sincere hospitality. It is an open home with a consistent invitation to come and be. And, bring something for the BBQ.
Interested in starting your own BBQ Thursday? We'd love to hear how it goes! Send us an e-mail us to hello@sacredplace.co.
Thank you to Dan Lagerborg for the conversation and contribution to this article. And, thank you for Dan & Stephanie for 20 years of consistency in hospitality and generosity.
